Excuses, Fear and the Brave Work of Being Yourself

The Moment of Recognition

Recently I was attending an online group workshop. You know, the kind of online setting where we show up and learn by watching others share, and we sit back and watch ( maybe even with the video off so we have no skin in the game).

A lovely women was openly sharing her hopes and goals only to follow them up with all the reasons they were unattainable. While I listened to her, it was as though i was looking into a rearview mirror. It reminded me so vividly of a past version of myself—the version that used to shrink, stay stuck in excuses, and fear not fitting in.

In that moment, time stood still long enough for me to hold compassion for the woman in front of me and to celebrate my own evolution.

I have learned that doing the hard work of knowing myself has created the space for the Holy Spirit to show up and move in my life.

Have you experienced a moment like this in your life?

The First Shift From Fitting In to True Confidence

This was not my first encounter with seeing an old version of myself in someone else. I have had this happen on several occasions. This specific encounter opened my eyes to my growth in confidence.

Not a boastful or loud confidence; more a knowing. It was the security of knowing who He created me to be without needing to shrink myself to make others comfortable.

As women, we have a biological and emotional drive to be accepted. But when we get hurt, we often default to playing small. We stop trying or showing up because we don't want to risk the pain of not fitting in.

• The Lie: We must conform to be safe.

• The Truth: Our task is to shift from fitting in to living authentically.

Authenticity isn't about being perfect or following a set of arbitrary rules. It’s about alignment. It’s about acting in accordance with your true values and personality—the person YOU are, not the person your family or society projects onto you.

The Second Shift Dropping the Armor of Excuses

During another time the Holy Spirit highlighted my growth, came a realization of how I once let excuses hold me back.

Maybe you have been there too.

I can't exercise because I don't have enough time.

I want to help at church but I don't see where I am needed.

I shouldn't take that class because I won't be available 24/7 for my family.

At the time, those reasons can feel valid and "safe."

Looking back, I see they were just shields to protect me from the possibility of failure.

I was sacrificing my one precious life and keeping my unique gifts to myself because I was afraid of being judged.

The Reality of Fear - Fear is the enemy’s favorite tool. It paralyzes us and prevents us from shining our unique light.

If we are stuck in fear, we cannot do the good in the world we were designed to do.

Taking Your Next Step

I am so grateful that my eyes are wide open to the dangers of playing it safe and isolating myself. There are still times I fall into old patterns and find myself worrying more about what others will think of me, not fitting in and even clinging tightly to my gifts instead of blessing others then what the Lord thinks of me.

Stepping out of those old "shrinking" patterns is a process of unlearning years of self-protection. Once you feel that internal grounding from the Holy Spirit, the goal is to shift your internal dialogue from defensive (how do I stay safe?) to expansive (how do I show up?).

Ask yourself Whose voice is telling me I’m not enough—and does that voice have the authority to define me?

Hint: If it’s a voice of shame, it isn't the Holy Spirit.

If you find yourself wanting more—desiring a life of purpose rather than just protection—I want to reach out my hand and help you take the next step.

Grab your journal and let's reflect on who He made You to be.

Ask yourself these questions to begin peeling back the layers:

• Who are you, really? Is the person you show the world the same person you are inside?

• Where do you shrink? I realized I was most myself around certain people, but I completely changed when I was with my family. Why?

• What lights you up? What brings you genuine joy?

• Check your "escape" habits: How do you spend your free time? If you’re binging Netflix, are you doing it for the love of the story, or are you escaping your feelings or your life?

• Do you need a guide? Sometimes we need counseling or a trusted mentor to help us dig into the hard truths. There is no shame in seeking help to find your way back to yourself.

Remember sweet friend, you do not need permission for a seat at the table. You were invited.

Shine your light and step forward.

What’s a step you feel the Holy Spirit nudging you toward that you’ve been 'putting on hold'?

Share in the comments or email me. I would love to walk alongside you and support you!